She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
