I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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