Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pants are for mortals
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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