He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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