This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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