Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
