Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
accomplished twins. life is a go
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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