I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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