i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
