If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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