i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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