I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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