Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's the barista slut.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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