Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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