My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
