Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
