This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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