Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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