Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's blow job season.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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