You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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