just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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