i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm at about main and main street
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
