We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
