it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize