ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
