just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
