someone threw a dead crab at me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
