I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
