saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
