bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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