Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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