I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
