Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
