found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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