I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
