there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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