Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
