In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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