i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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