he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
