and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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