Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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