i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
