He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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