It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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