She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
