Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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