I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dick very happy bro
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
