Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
