12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
