y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
