Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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