he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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