fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
