I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize