i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize