Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
