thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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