Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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