Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
