Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
