I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
