Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
