how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
