p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
