Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
