Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
