the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
