im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
