Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
