buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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