fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
