the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
