im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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